Breaking Barriers To Sobriety

I sobbed into my overpriced sushi. I couldn't catch my breath. It felt like someone was tightening a vice around my chest, bones splintering under the weight of my shame.

"I need a drink and I don't know what to do," I thought to myself as I curled over my bathroom sink, having one of the worst panic attacks I'd had in years.

Then my friend called out my name from the other room, I splashed water on my face, and I went back to my 30th birthday party with a big - fake - smile on my face.

That was August 2022. And if you're wondering "was she newly sober and went to a party with booze anyway?" the answer is no. My true sobriety date is August 1, 2019 - three years before the panic attack.

I quit drinking, smoking, and my job that month. Admittedly, I may have made early sobriety harder on myself than necessary by quitting all three simultaneously, but that's because I didn't know of one day at a time, easy does it, and think... think... think... back then. And that's because I refused to join A.A.

I grew up in an environment where hyper-independence was awarded above all else, and nothing mattered more than what other people thought of you. So I spent years contorting myself to be what I believed was everyone else's ideal version of me. And that woman? She didn't ask for help. She didn't need help. And she certainly wasn't an alcoholic.

So after my 30th birthday party, after everyone left, I slithered into bed and did what I did every night: I took the 12 question self-assessment quiz on the A.A. website, because that's what someone who isn't an alcoholic does every night, right?!

Except this time, I didn't lie about my answers. And when I completed the 12 questions, and when I remembered the panic attack, and when I remembered how I'd been white knuckling it for three excruciating years in silence, I finally looked up the meeting list.

But fear of judgement wasn't my only barrier to A.A. I thought A.A. was strictly for religious people and that I wouldn't be comfortable or welcomed as someone who is unsure of her beliefs. But I found a secular meeting happening just three days later within a 15 minute walk from my home. So I went.

That was September 20, 2022 - the sobriety date I celebrate within the fellowship. Since then, I've regularly attended a wide variety of meetings across Ottawa - some secular, some traditional, some women's only, some where you meditate in the dark by candlelight and try not to fall asleep.

My motto in life is curiosity, not judgement. So I go to lots of different types of meetings now to hear diverse stories about experience, strength, and hope. But I couldn't do that in the beginning. And having access to secular meetings lowered my barrier to entry into A.A.

The goal of secular A.A. is to widen the door of A.A. for more alcoholics to find sobriety - exactly the primary purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous.

One of the ways this is done is through Secular Ontario Alcoholics Anonymous Roundup (SOAAR), a biennial event catering to agnostics, atheists, freethinkers, believers, and anyone in search of fellowship and unity in their sobriety journey.

SOAAR 2025's theme is Breaking Barriers, and the conference is taking place Saturday, September 27, 2025, from 9:00 a.m. - 5:00 p.m. at the Lord Elgin Hotel in Ottawa. This year's program is incredibly exciting, as speakers from near and far share their experience, strength, and hope - and shed light on timely topics that impact us all.

I will be there on September 27, helping anyone find sobriety - regardless of their belief system. I hope to see you at SOAAR 2025, too.